my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
