Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
