At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
