Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
