So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
