I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
