I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
