wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
