Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
