called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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