Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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