If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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