I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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