i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
