woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
