I think i peed on brittanys purse
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
