I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
