youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
