I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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