the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
