you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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