dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was like eating out sand paper
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
