i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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