I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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