theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
