Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
