filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
