there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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