We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
