you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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