508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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