Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
