Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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