I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
