Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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