tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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