his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
