I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The Olympian is in my bed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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