she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
