you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
