but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
