someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
