my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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