Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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