hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.