I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.