It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...