ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
