Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
wow bdsm is so cute
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
