I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
