oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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