Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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