I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
