"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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