I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
