I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need water and some morals
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
