i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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