Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
