WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
