My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
