I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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