just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
